it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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