It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize