so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
