I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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