I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
