I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
