Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
