dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just threw up on my dentist
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
