You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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