Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
