he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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