someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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