Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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