So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
