Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
