I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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