I CAN MOONWALK!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
