Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
