I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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