Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
