I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
