that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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