see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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