Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
