and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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