hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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