this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm both gender and math confused
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
