I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
