Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
