Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
