dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
