If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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