Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank

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(516): I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank http://tfl.nu/rnlw

Replies (22) Good night (859) Bad night (2064)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

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(828): Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us http://tfl.nu/ml7j

Replies (3) Good night (2921) Bad night (846)
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(718): View more from New York

don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.

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(718): don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time. http://tfl.nu/80vr

Replies (5) Good night (2156) Bad night (655)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

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(601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away. http://tfl.nu/uxou

Replies (60) Good night (3606) Bad night (766)
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(510): View more from California

The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.

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(510): The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door. http://tfl.nu/oawg

Replies (13) Good night (1465) Bad night (2691)
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(419): View more from Ohio

So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?

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(419): So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out? http://tfl.nu/bixu

Replies (49) Good night (967) Bad night (12224)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

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(252): I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them. http://tfl.nu/kwke

Replies (12) Good night (5320) Bad night (908)
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(516): View more from New York

the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.

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(516): the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it. http://tfl.nu/0mw3

Replies (3) Good night (2193) Bad night (1167)
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(662): View more from Mississippi

In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"

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(662): In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today" http://tfl.nu/6cpx

Replies (30) Good night (1575) Bad night (7630)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder

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(203): They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder http://tfl.nu/slwo

Replies (4) Good night (1870) Bad night (916)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash

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(857): They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash http://tfl.nu/jeu8

Replies (10) Good night (2679) Bad night (1222)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.

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(484): After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me. http://tfl.nu/p7tl

Replies (6) Good night (889) Bad night (1590)
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(817): View more from Texas

Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!

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(817): Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly! http://tfl.nu/9don

Replies (7) Good night (1393) Bad night (805)
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(785): View more from Kansas

well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.

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(785): well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo. http://tfl.nu/3cg7

Replies (2) Good night (945) Bad night (718)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie

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(320): For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie http://tfl.nu/swy2

Replies (2) Good night (832) Bad night (355)

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