Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
