My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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