she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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