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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he's my edward cullen

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

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• (716): View more from New York

  i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.

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• (310): View more from California

  If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great

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