Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary