You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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