Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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