matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need moral support for this bender
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
