yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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