I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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