You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
