God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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