Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
