I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
