apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
