trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
