My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
