I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
