he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
