he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
