I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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