yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
