I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
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Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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