life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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