just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
