Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
