this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
