Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
