On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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