a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
