Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
