woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
