How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
