How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You are a genius and a whore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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