I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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