Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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