I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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