he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
