apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
