he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
