I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
