tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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