i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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