I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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