my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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