i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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