so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
