i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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